Eating is a necessary evil insofar as you can't do without it and because it takes time. This may sound futile, but if the days don't do, you have to cut down on flexibles. Three years in a row I ate the same here: boil-in-bag rice, sliced pepper, squared ham, onion rings and shaved garlic. That was up in 20 minutes and down in 10.
Suddenly I could not stand the sight of it anymore, let alone eat it. That was last summer. I mainly survived on burgers, chips, pizza and kebab. Even worse, but doable, as long as you are less saturated than those fatty acids you will want to eat.
Last autumn it started with the unsurpassed gas ring I got from Kicks. Instead of the cold soup that eats like a meal, I ate it warm. This trend persisted on the meadow. Out of the blue everyday I ate hotchpotch, with carrots, with leeks, with sauerkraut, with kale, seaweed, you name it. With a roaring appetite I carried my daily gain out of the kitchen hole. There was no meat in it, for that I would need an extra saucepan and moreover I did not really miss it.
There are a number of things I should not eat anymore and one of these is cheese. If there were two things I would have at home, it was bread and cheese. No wonder I wandered through the Super for an hour and a half this week looking for a substitute.
Water and bread for a while I find no problem. That has a Spartan wholemeal ring to it. Although I have no sweet tooth, a jar of jam does not last any longer than two days, so I seldom have it in the bus. Finally I opted for 300 grams of garlic salami. When it was sliced off, it turned out to be rather a lot. That would do me for a week, which did not make me happy. If I fear anything it is putrid food. But yesterevening it was freezing and all of outside a fridge.
In order not to draw animal attention, I put the salami pile, bag and all, under an upside-down pot with a stone of about a stone on top, flat on my labour table. The bag I tucked well under the pot so as not to lead anyone into temptation. Content about my adaptability to Nature I went into the night. This early morning, when I went out for a pee, I saw a plastic bag, ripped to shreds, peeking from under the pot that was still upside-down with the stone still on top. Of the salami not a speck was left.
And now I have been musing for a day or three about who this could have been and how he pulled it off. It must be someone that stinks out of his snout today. A human is out of the question. Rare even at daytime. It must have been someone with sharp claws. This rules out cows, horses, donkeys, goats, pigs and sheep.
Leaving us with a seagull, a cat, a rat, a fox, a badger and a sea otter. It must have been smelled, which rules out the seagull as he feeds on sight. A badger is too plump and a sea otter too shy. A cat, a rat and a fox are too clever to wriggle out the salami. One push off the table and it's down for grabs. 'Yes, but that would leave nothing left', you will say. Indeed, that's why I haven't got a clue.