Monday will be the day. After crippling eleven months of excruciating leg pains I’m going to be operated on my back. Actually it’s been bothering me since 1986, so tings being sorted will be close to a rebirth. But there’s more…
I like to strike the iron while it’s hot, always try to maximise combination potential. So I asked to do a lidl more than freeing constricted nerves and fusing vertebras. And I thought about this for years and now am fully prepared.
In Fanore I sourced my water from wells, from Holy St. Jozef’s Well at Milltown Malbay, through the chestnut basin in Kilshanny, the deluge in Caher Valley to the Pinnacle at Gleninah, not to mention the numerous water holes all over. These waters all are saturated with Calcium and by drinking it my skeleton has become virtually indestructible.
In my career as a professional dolphin swimmer I have almost spent as much time in the water as outside. The salt in there has tanned my skin into stronger than crocodile leather so also there I’ll be immortal.
And then of course my lungs. Having been down to fifty meters several times on air assist and down to fifteen like a million times free-diving they are so heavy-duty you could inflate a tractor tyre with them.
In other words, I’m pretty sturdy, so I figured that while they’re at it, why not mount a dorsal fin as well. I have two on straps now, one of African Padouk, but I would prefer my Surinam Greenheart as it sinks in water and gives me an extra push down when I arch it above the water.
And, just to complete my humble needs, why not transplant the kidney of a dolphin. That might surely come in handy when you live in an aquatic environment to the degree that I do.
So Tuesday I’ll probably be in morphine’s arms so I’ve written it down here and now. So I do have something for April’s Fools day after all.