Dolphin Address 06
March 7th 2008
Recently rumours have been circulating that Dusty is following a three-day course to pass herself off as an academic staff member. Our free lance correspondent visited her and recorded the following:
‘Hi Dusty, may I ask you a few questions about your dissertation?’
‘Okay, bubble up.’
‘What is the central theme of your dissertation?’
‘Intelligence in humans.’
‘And what are your findings?’
‘That it actually occurs.’
‘That sounds as if you doubted that.’
‘Well, the issue is more if we are so happy about it.’
‘That sounds very practical.’
‘It is. Human intelligence is entirely absent in the stupendous chaos you throw into the sea, to name just one lunacy.’
‘But that is a problem that has had our attention for decades now.’
‘Then it does not demonstrate intelligence that you still have not succeeded in solving this.’
‘Okay, but let us not go astray. Can you indicate what your scepticism is based on?’
‘When I look at everything you need in your daily existence, from plastic bottles to a drilling rig, from a flipper to a jet ski. We have everything on board that we need and also we do not burden you with that.’
‘But we humans have come a long way towards understanding you.’
‘Think again, we are much further in this respect than you are. Look at our eternal smile. Many people view us as toys and don’t realize the relationship is quite the opposite.’
‘You mean that you are playing with us?’
‘Don’t you see that yourself? We swim at least ten times faster, we can hold our breath at least five times longer and if we wish to, we can jump a couple of meters from the surface to name but a few things?’
‘I admit that, but what does that have to do with intelligence?’
‘A practical example. I got it from Fungi. Everyone who has encountered him thinks he is just criss-crossing around, while actually he uses the tourist boats to round up fish.’
‘Hmm, that is clever. Have you got more examples like that?’
‘Sure, what do you think of this. I have trained my visitors into coming towards me. From time to time I then do something completely unexpected. That’s how I keep them on edge.’
‘And what about the spiritual healing powers that are attributed to you and yours?’
‘That does not work with prisoner dolphins. It does seem likely to me that you people mainly heal yourselves. Therefore it is too much honour for us and that’s why we think you are plenty stupid and insensitive to take away the freedom of our species, with the very idea that this will help the needy.’
‘I think you have given us oodles of food for thought. Would you like to make a concluding remark?’
‘Right, look, we are no possession, we are a gift. All those well-meaning people do not get it that they don’t have to protect us against you and vice versa. That’s all fear, caused by ignorance, dominance and spin doctoring.’
‘One last question, Dusty. Is there any hope?’
‘But surely there is. From May 12th until May 15th there is a conference in Dingle about us, wildfriendly dolphins. We hope that so much brainpower together in the future will safeguard our mutual feelings.
Information and bookings
www.irishdolphins.com/conference
Jan Ploeg, between Naas and Fanore, March 7th
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